


The Binder

by PastyPirate



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Near Future, will be Jossed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6961465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastyPirate/pseuds/PastyPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like all good things in Jake's life; it starts as a convoluted joke about sex.</p><p>Or</p><p>Jake makes a binder just before everything goes to hell, and he literally goes to Hell (aka Florida.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Binder

Jake is pretty much down for anything. He had said it more than once and if prompted he'd say it again. Jake prides himself on his general open mindedness when it comes to sex (see: the m.e. Incident), but he's not the one with _ideas_. Sure, he has suggestions, “let's try it against the wall!” Or “maybe you be on top this time.” But he generally doesn't feel the need to create spun out sex situations. Obviously he had more than once and probably would do it with very little prompting, but for the most part he’s okay with default sex. 

If you had asked him a year ago what Amy’s sexual preferences were, he'd have a gambit of responses to run through; “cleaning is probably involved!” “Has anyone told Amy what sex is yet? We should get on that” or “let's be honest, missionary with the lights off.” 

If you asked him yesterday what if Amy likes it missionary with the lights off he would’ve responded by laughing uproariously. 

It's not that Amy is kinky exactly, but she's definitely not vanilla. 

Since the Dozerman incident they've had a strict hands off rule in the workplace. No kissing, no hugging, no hand holding (the last one sucks the most although Jake will deny it to the grave), but they've allowed themselves one giant loophole, and that loophole is talking. 

And they talk a lot. 

Although to be fair, Amy started it by telling him he should break out his Holt impression at home (at _home_ like they'd been dating for for years and not days, although if Jake is being honest, it felt like they had been together for centuries and only just woken up). He does bust out his Holt impression at home, but they decide mutually that it's kinda not okay so instead they play Captain and The Beat Cop. They take turns.

Then there's the whole idealistic grad student thing which Jake isn't as into as Amy is but her eyes were bright and her smile was wide so he went with it. 

Then she makes up for it by calling him “Jake McClane” the night his mattress arrives and _damn_ if that isn't everything he's ever wanted. 

Amy casually suggests ideas while at work and Jake almost always rolls with it. Sometimes Jake suggests things but it's few and far between, it's mostly to keep his title as definitely-not-vanilla-you-guys. 

The binder thing pops into his head almost randomly. The fact that she likes binders is something he had known from when he first met her. It's old knowledge that he’s been stacking on for years (organized, bad cook, prefers the left side of the bed, bites her lip when turned on) so he doesn't filter it out and think twice about what he’s saying as they're grabbing hot dogs on their way back to the station. 

“Hey we should organize our sex adventures in a binder.” He said before taking another large bite of his hot dog.

“What?” Amy’s voice- deep and gritty- makes him replay what he said in his head, he turned to look at her and she was biting her lip which was a feat considering they were still on the clock.

“You know,” he said around a mouth of hotdog before swallowing, “like pros cons of things we’ve done, ratings, a to-do list-”

Amy shoved him into the alley way and if they spent the rest of their lunch break making out then that's their business. 

Going to staples without Amy feels more like cheating then when he accidentally checks out women. ‘Liberating’ office supplies is more his speed so he liberates a binder, dividers and plastic pockets. He doubles back for a package of rainbow colored post it notes just because. As the crowning move he liberates a ream of paper to use, and a packet of pens and highlighters which he’s sure he has at home but why not? His pay is pitiful and nobody else is using them. 

He starts by handwriting them out, but then he steals Amy’s laptop because hers has Microsoft Office and his just has some sweet video games. Her laptop has been at his apartment for months now, they rarely go over to her place which is crazy because her place is bigger even if it’s further from the precinct. He waited until a night that Amy was theoretically staying at her own place (she had mandated early on in their relationship that they'd have two nights a week that they'd spend apart for general healthy relationship reasons. They're successful one night out of the week.) she’s already texted him six times meaning she was definitely going to suggest a late dinner, which would turn into cuddling at one of their places. So he works fast. 

The table template takes longer than he'd like, but he types faster than he writes so it doesn't take long to whip the basics sheets out 

Once he has a printed stack of sexual adventures, he gives in to Amy’s hints about good Italian and mentions a place around the corner he figures Between his text and when they meet up he has thirty minutes. So he works quick, sorting the sheets into their respective divisions, leaving blank templates in plastic packets, behind each section. It makes him smile that “Morning Sex” is twice as thick as “Vanilla Sex.” 

Jake moved quickly after that, pulling on clothes that were more appropriate for meeting up with the love of his life A.K.A. pasta and cuddling. 

He was halfway out the door when he turned to look at the binder, his mind churning. There was only a few sheets in the binder, making it sad and deflated. The cover read “FORNICATION UNDER CONSENT OF KING” with a small smiley face. He'd put more effort into pranks played on Holt. If he was going to follow through on the binder he was going to do it right. He stepped forward, grabbing the binder and shoving it under his bed behind his shake weight and the box for the blender that still sat untouched on the counter. With that he nodded resolutely and headed for the door. 

For the next week a plan emerged, he'd give it to her as a part of her anniversary gift. It was only a short while away. All the other presents he had gotten her were incredibly romantic and not at all hilarious. Not at all Jake’s style. It wouldn't be a proper anniversary without a well thought out gag gift that would end in awesome sex. 

He worked on it slowly but surely over the next week, suddenly realizing how much _time_ he spent with Amy. He was turning into Boyle and Genevieve, or Benivieve as he’d taken to calling them. If they weren't at work they were watching T.V., abusing take out menus or arguing over the useful nature of infomercial products. Not once had he realized how quickly she’d filled all the gaps in his life, all the little lonely moments now had Amy booing at Jeopardy as they sat cross legged on his bed. He had no quiet moments to sneak off and work on the binder without her noticing. 

Then he suddenly had all the quiet moments. 

He added a section to the back, “Thoughts I had while you were in Prison.”

They start saucy because the binder is called “Fornication Under Consent of King” not “OH DEAR LORD HOW I MISS YOU SO,” but it took less than two days for it to become weepy and a sappy mess. He stuck a sheet of paper in and just wrote out errant thoughts. 

_My apartment is ten times messier now, I don’t remember you ever cleaning my apartment. Do I clean it? Is there a secret maid? Am I just cleaner when you’re around?_

_I smelled someone smoking on the sidewalk and thought of you. That’s not super romantic cus it was a homeless guy._

_Letting you do your thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done._

_Why is Texas even a thing?_

_I ate the crackers you left in my cabinet. They’re still gross. Please come home._

The binder was the only thing that got him through the weeks she was undercover in prison, and as quickly as it had become important, it was forgotten. 

The binder was in it’s usual hiding place (under the bed) when Jake dragged Amy to his apartment. They were a flurry of limbs and clothes flying and whispered “I missed you” and “I love yous,” how could he remember that he had a present for her?

The whole week passed in a haze of paperwork and stolen reunions. How was Jake supposed to know that the secretive and shady underworld kingpin would threaten to kill him? How was he supposed to know that he’d go from drinking in a bar with the love of his life to quickly telling her to sublet the apartment and that he’d miss her as he was shoved into a van? He was a detective, not a fortune teller. 

He’d been in Florida for less than a day before he missed the binder. 

It’d been nice to be able to write out his thoughts, stick them into organized slots that he’d made. It’d made him feel closer to Amy- apparently she’d been mentally rubbing off on him as well as physically. 

Jake sat up in his bed (not covered in sheets his gran had bought for him, but instead a floral pattern because Florida was a lot more like hell than he thought) and pulled a post it pad out of his drawer and scribbled quickly:

_You’ve been rubbing off on me mentally as well as physically_

He dropped the pen and the post it pad back onto the bedside table and rolled over, tugging the blankets up like he used to do before Amy fought him for the blankets. 

He fought the urge to roll over and add that to the post it note. 

He lost. 

He started stuffing the post it notes into his wallet. He keeps them vague and stuffs them behind the Florida ID for his alter ego. He came up for a cover as to why Larry has vague love post it notes stuck in his wallet, but no one asks. Which after a while ends up bumming Jake out because it’s a _really_ good cover story. 

“- So then, Larry-”

“Just say ‘I’”

“He started writing post it notes and someday he’s going to go back to that mountain and burn them up there-”

“Good Evening Larry, I must return to my home now, Neighbor.”

“Wait just one more thing Greg-”

“No. Larry, I am going _home_ ”

“Fine.”

_You at least pretend to listen to my cool backstories._

His scribbles get progressively tinier and none of the post-it notes say only one thing. Words curve in every gap, his wallet gets thicker and thicker. 

And then, he’s home. 

He never doubted he’d get home- Larry would never see the love of his life, but the love of Jake’s life is a trained detective who is _good_ at her job. The combined mental power of Rosa, Terry, Boyle and Amy with the added support of Gina and the weird luck of Scully and Hitchcock- it was only a matter of time. 

He did however, think that when he got home he’d be in his plush and expensive bed. 

“-You told me to sublet your apartment,” Amy spoke from the kitchen as she reheated lo mein, “how was I supposed to know when you’d be home?”

“We should probably talk about which apartment we’re moving into or-” Jake did a loud gasp, clasping his hands together and letting the blanket he’d been wearing as a cape drop to the floor, “-can we move into a penthouse?”

“Do you not understand how money works?” Amy walked into the dining room with two sets of chopsticks and a box of lo mein. 

“Not really,” Jake responded as Amy set the lo mein in front of him, her free hand runs through his hair and he doesn’t have to think as he tilts his head back so she can kiss him. It’s simple and it’s something they’d done a thousand times before the “The Gang Saves Pimento” situation arose. 

“Oh wait, I have orange soda in my fridge-” Amy spun around and walked towards the kitchen, leaving Jake grinning after her. 

“Orange soda? For me?” He scooped more lo mein then he could chew into his mouth and looked around the room. It reminded him of Florida, where the houses were designed by old people for old people. Except in Amy’s apartment there were hints of her personality, with an added set of boxes labeled “JAKE” 

He stood up to investigate, after all he was a detective. The boxes were hurriedly packed but organized and clearly labeled. There was one box labeled “STUFF FROM UNDER JAKE’S BED.” Jake winced and ignored it, he knew what was under his bed wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you wanted your girlfriend boxing up while you were in Florida hiding from a psychopath with your boss. 

He turned to her couch and saw a sprawling mess of paper on her coffee table, he scooped another bite of lo mein into his mouth and strolled over to the papers- it wasn’t like Amy to leave her crafts projects out. 

His heart caught in his throat as he saw his own printed words across the binder cover, on top of a stack of templates. 

Jake sank into the couch and set the lo mein box on a coaster (it was too soon after his return to die a bloody death) and pulled the binder into his lap. Mostly blank templates were spread across the table, but when he flipped open the binder he saw several new sections. 

“THINGS I WANT TO DO TO YOU AND YOUR BODY JAKE PERALTA” is the first section, and he flipped through it quickly, very aware of his short attention span, all the while reminding himself that he needed to get through the whole binder before Amy came back from the kitchen. 

“THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE YOU WERE ON ‘VACATION’” is twice the size of the previous section. He flipped through it quickly, catching glimpses at lines as he tried to read through it. 

_I really miss your hands. Holding them, looking at them. See TIWTDTYAYBJP page 10a for further comments on your hands._

_How is my apartment messy? You’ve been gone for so long yet I’m still finding chips in my couch._

_I said “title of your sextape” to an unsuspecting victim today. I miss you._

_Why do all our dances get interrupted?_

Jake grabbed one of the last dividers on the table, he chose a color (Amy had _colorcoded_ the entire binder, how did he _live_ before Amy Santiago?) and scribbled a label “THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE ON ‘VACATION’ A.K.A. FLORIDA IS HELL” he thought for a second before adding “SUBSECTION: THINGS I WANT TO DO TO YOUR BODY AMY SANTIAGO”

He took a blank sheet of paper and another bite of lo mein before pulling out his wallet. The post it notes had long since lost their postyness, so he used tape, laying them out cautiously as he put them in the closest of semblance of an order. 

He had a long noodle hanging out of his mouth, and tape on most of his fingers when Amy returned, her cellphone sticking out of her pocket- apparently she’d’ been fielding a call- and two cups of orange soda in her hands. 

“I didn’t mean to mess up your binder but it was a good way to organize my thoughts-” she began to ramble, an apologetic smile on her face, as Jake quickly sucked up the last noodle and taped down the last post it note that he’d just written. He shut the binder and held it up to her, interrupting her explanation. 

“Happy Anniversary Babe!” Jake smiled his widest smile, hoping against hope that he didn’t have bean sprouts in his teeth. Amy set down the cups and took the binder from him, “sorry it’s a little late.”

“Sorry I already memorized half of your present before you managed to give it to me,” Amy took the binder from him, her apologetic smile turning coy. 

“Well I just added a bit- look,” he flipped it open to the back and pointed to the post it notes including the one he’d just written. 

_I don’t need a penthouse as long as I live with you_

It was the cheesiest thing he’d ever written, but her eyes lit up as she took the binder from him and clutched it to her chest.

“Aww honey! That’s so sweet.” She looked down at the binder before looking up at him again. “And also good, because there’s no way we could afford a penthouse.” 

Jake grinned in response, “how about we focus on finding a place we can afford and finally moving in together?”

Jake tried to take the binder out of Amy’s arms so he could pull her into a kiss, but her grip was white knuckled and the smile turned to a glare, which just made Jake laugh harder. “How can I fufill your 10a dreams if you’re holding on to a binder?”

“Figure it out because I’m not letting go of this-” Jake cut her off, overwhelmed with the need to kiss her until she willingly let go of the binder. 

The next day he labeled a divider “Ways Amy’s love for organization and binders has made things interesting,” and used the previous night as a first example.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this when they announced that Amy was going to go undercover, and it was going to be VERY DIFFERENT, but then the Percy Jackson thing happened, and I finally got hulu to work long enough to catch up. This story changed a lot. 
> 
> It'll definitely be jossed in the next season but I just love how much Jake teases Amy for her binder love.


End file.
